This is a checkpoint after 3 years! I have definitely screwed up with the regularity. The time went quite fast. My learnings from last 3 years:
  • people have their own agendas and it does not make them evil, it makes them normal
  • people are way less self aware than I would ever expect them to (again, does not make them evil, makes them normal)
  • not everyone is focused on efficiency, I would even say it is minority who is
  • I have a compulsion to conform to wishes of people around me, and I am not sure whether the root cause has anything to do with codependency
  • I am not obliged to disclose my emotional state to the people around me - that was a huge one, spotted by one therapist
  • I am way more aware of my body and its insides than most people
  • my social skills in university were a result of a performance I put, and it gets quite exhausting with age
  • I did not solve my "love dilemma" and it seems it will never be solved - either doubting myself and my feelings or being rejected
  • perhaps the most of the childhood trauma I have experienced was self inflicted, by not being able to integrate with other children, and constant wrong interpretations of what was happening around me
  • my health is already on the decline
  • there is no medical authorities to me anymore when it comes to mental health
  • I do have communication issues with most people, and I don't think I will be ever able to resolve them