Showing all posts tagged #codependency:
The love dilemma
Posted on January 3rd, 2023
My love dilemma is this one: always when I find someone to love, I realise I may not actually love them. In fact, I don't know how it should feel to love someone. People usually say "if you loved, you would know" - so yeah, I never knew. I never felt I...
Two costly mistakes (on the way to recovery)
Posted on March 11th, 2019
I have made two mistakes, which costed me a slide back into severe depression, probably worse than ever. A step away from the end.
Mistake number 1: Isolation.
I wanted to work on myself and my codependency, so I kept myself form away from any social...
Saying what I think
Posted on February 20th, 2019
Now it becomes crystal clear to me: not saying aloud what I think and what I want is one of main reasons why other people keep on hurting me. It is actually quite obvious, but till now I only understood it intellectually. Recently I keep on realising:...
No more bullshit .. what if?
Posted on January 30th, 2019
What if I started to say aloud what I know the person talking with me knows and I know they know, but no one says it aloud? In other words stop taking bullshit.
- I want to kiss you right now..
- And I think you must have mistaken me for some idiot, ...
Codependency is running (and ruining) my life!
Posted on April 1st, 2018
I have just come back from an unsuccessful skiing attempt. I couldn't do it. It was too hot and my jacket was too thick, I was boiling. I came back extremely angry that I couldn't go earlier, as I planned, when the weather was cooler, because a friend ...
Parent's voices
Posted on March 26th, 2018
They say that the critical voices we hear in our heads come from our primary caregivers, and that those voices actually are what they've been telling us when we were really small. I don't normally use words to think (I don't use images either, and yes ...
Underdog is selfish
Posted on November 5th, 2017
I've realised that there's the following false notion as a part of general knowledge:
Only someone who's been pushed around and always had to sacrifice themselves will understand how it feels and therefore be able to have empathy and compassion for ot...
Vacation crisis
Posted on October 8th, 2017
Vacation in an amazing place with two best friends and I feel like shit. I wonder if before I learned to observe myself in a non-critical way I would even notice that I feel shitty, ie if I would be able to make such statement or would I just feel shit...
People saying 'thank you'
Posted on September 17th, 2017
Recently I see the increase in frequency of hearing genuine "thank you" from various people. Thank you for helping me out, for taking your time, for inviting me.. Now when I think about it, it's strange that I didn't hear it before. Or I didn't listen?...
Is my overreacting my or others' fault
Posted on September 9th, 2017
I'm getting back to the first question about my problems: when I am reacting in a way that looks like overreacting, is it because I'm overreacting or because someone is abusing me? Hey this is such an important question!
In my life I've gone through p...
Visiting Finland
Posted on August 14th, 2017
Definitely interesting to meet the people I used to hang out with when I lived here. I wrote once about avatars and categorizing people, about finding an equivalent of one person in another place, and this being a narcissistic trait of mine. Well maybe...
People who get angry at me when I need support
Posted on July 31st, 2017
Okay, let's get to the complicated world of human relationships. I have noticed this pattern in my life with my friends:
me: I feel down, because of X
friend: why are you like this? you should not feel like this!
me: I don't know I am sorry
friend: yo...
For *** sake, stop identifying with your brain!
Posted on July 18th, 2017
I have not been writing much as I was upset. With myself. I was actually pissed. At how little progress I made after all, how codependent I am, how I let other people define my reality, how full of anger I am, how I am misinterpreting everything what o...
Puking with people's negativity
Posted on July 10th, 2017
I don't know if it is a normal stage in codependency recovery, but I find myself feeling sick of other people using me. Using me for feeding their egos, their sick phantasies, their assumption of my motives. Recently I feel as if everyone was trying to...
Health problems and codependency
Posted on June 8th, 2017
Have not written anything for a while. Life does not look that motivating when knee problems hold you back. I think that the knee situation is in addition emotionally very triggering to me, because it's analogical to a part of my codependency problem -...
First time among people after a codependent time out
Posted on May 19th, 2017
Shocking. Fascinating. Information overload. So many observations: about myself - my usual reactions vs other reaction possibilities; about others - realising how much information I receive about other people; information that I didn't believe was corr...
Why do women fall for bad boys
Posted on May 9th, 2017
Why do women fall for bad boys? Because they didn't have good fathers.
I have been focusing a lot on mindfulness recently and all I write below is not backed up by any research, psychological theory or any important name - it is coming solely from my...
A slut
Posted on April 27th, 2017
Oh crap. It finally got to me. The split in how I see myself, the split between me-angel and me-slut. It's one-to-one fit to the narcissist's view of women!
Conditioned by my father, the society, and then consecutive jerks, I have been trying to estab...
Codependent love - video
Posted on April 19th, 2017
A brilliant video from Lisa A. Romano about the constant emotional swing of the codependent relationship: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihwioTSGLC.
It's so good to know that what I have always experienced as the norm in relationships is actually a p...
Q1 Checkpoint
Posted on April 10th, 2017
Let's make a checkpoint, a summary of the progress I made since December 2016.
I have learned that:
I am a classical codependent and this causes so much stress in my life, prevents me from knowing who I am and what I want; I have been always strugglin...
No more friendships that feel like charity
Posted on April 6th, 2017
Why have I been doing it to myself? Trying to be there for anyone who may need anything from me. It has exhausted me beyond measure. It would not cross my mind now. To offer friendship to someone who has exploited me in every possible way, just in case...
Joy of life
Posted on March 30th, 2017
I do have it in me. I didn't realise. Such moments I'd brush off by thinking "oh I'm just crazy", or "I'm just stupid". Isn't it because my father would always put me down when I was too enthusiastic? I made this connection: happy=naive. What the heck?...
'Could there be another reason for this behaviour?'
Posted on March 24th, 2017
This one comes from DBT. It is a technique that allows you to think of other interpretations of people's behaviour, in order to calm yourself down when you get strangely extreme emotions about someone's behaviour towards you that you interpreted as neg...
Observing people - disconnected from their bodies
Posted on March 23rd, 2017
I think I'm not aware how acutely I am aware of how everyone around me feels (it's part of my "codependency training" as a kid). I have to separate myself from this overwhelming information to make it possible for myself to go through my day. I think t...
Observing children
Posted on February 22nd, 2017
Observing families with children often makes me pissed. I was often wondering why. Especially those moments when the kid is crying, shouting, hitting, pulling, and their parents just do nothing. I have always felt like I want to go to them and start sh...
The (misunderstood) purpose of life
Posted on February 9th, 2017
I remember this confrontation I experienced once, when someone told me that their goal in life was to be happy. I was angry at them. So selfish, I thought. My only purpose has always been to make other people happy.
Over time I learned that it was me ...
Loving in order not to hate
Posted on February 1st, 2017
I have just observed something in retrospective. One day when someone ostentatiously entered the office at work I have been woken up from what I was doing by the flow of negative emotion. That emotion was that I was being annoyed. I looked up and my fi...
Home
Posted on December 18th, 2016
Visiting home for Christmas after my sister has moved out. Everything is even more clear than before. It is a highly dysfunctional, not to say toxic environment. And I had to grow up, learn about life and love here. Not only that, being the oldest sibl...
Codependency - thoughts
Posted on December 15th, 2016
I have been recently thinking that it actually does make a lot of sense that I was happier in Finland. Then I lived 7km by bike in -10 to -30 degrees Celsius from anyone, so it was easy to say "sorry I will not make it I'm not feeling fit enough". The...
Codependency
Posted on December 10th, 2016
Brilliant explanation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mc3gRqRPlJU. I heard that word often but did not know its meaning. What really struck me:
You feel responsible for the other person's happiness. You are constantly giving advice to your close ones...
