Showing all posts tagged #love:
The love dilemma
Posted on January 3rd, 2023
My love dilemma is this one: always when I find someone to love, I realise I may not actually love them. In fact, I don't know how it should feel to love someone. People usually say "if you loved, you would know" - so yeah, I never knew. I never felt I...
Two costly mistakes (on the way to recovery)
Posted on March 11th, 2019
I have made two mistakes, which costed me a slide back into severe depression, probably worse than ever. A step away from the end.
Mistake number 1: Isolation.
I wanted to work on myself and my codependency, so I kept myself form away from any social...
Love handling schemas
Posted on December 18th, 2018
I think I discovered something important. There are at least three schemas, aka thinking patterns, that I fall into when I like someone. The thoughts that belong to each of them are so repetitive, so predictable, that I am surprised that I have noticed...
Fear of abandonment
Posted on December 3rd, 2018
Fear of abandonment - was the undeniable symptom that made me consider BPD. Today it occurred to me that this fear is somewhat flat, somehow repetitive and predictable. And that the narration behind it has the very same voice, each time. And this voice...
Relationship block
Posted on October 25th, 2018
I was asking myself a few days ago why I have this relationship block. Because I do. It's not only about relationships but also closeness in general.
And today I had this dream. Where I was talking with my first boyfriend and he said we can't be toget...
How I used to experience love
Posted on October 3rd, 2018
Another dream flashback from my first relationship. I was there visiting and he was there living at his parents exceptionally, for two weeks. I was lying next to his feet stroking them, while he was talking with a friend. Next the friend left and we we...
The vicious cycle of my conflicting desires
Posted on September 21st, 2018
I think it goes like this:
My mum told me I couldn't be loved. Long time ago, but I cling to this dogma, even though it hurts. Why? I must have some benefits from believing that. Oh yes, the benefit I have is:
If I don't let anyone love me I will nev...
What is love
Posted on August 26th, 2018
I just woke up from a dream. I was with my first boyfriend, my only love, on a family trip - with my family. We were not a couple in that dream because I knew he had his own family now. But he felt really close to me. He was like an old good friend, or...
Investment of yourself
Posted on May 16th, 2018
I have been thinking of making myself as good as possible in order to "invest" myself to some man. Now I am thinking: what if I gain more by self investing? It is like starting an own business only in order to sell it later, but then realizing that no ...
Q1 2018 Checkpoint
Posted on May 11th, 2018
Okay that was a lot of time since the last checkpoint. I didn't realize it went so fast.
What I have experienced:I have looked at a man with the intention to see if I'd like to get closer to him, and I got the same look back. I repeated it multiple ti...
Another session with Polish coach
Posted on May 10th, 2018
What is important for me from today's session:
There was something strange happening when I was a kid and my mother would come back from work: the whole house would get filled with light for next 2-3 hours, my dad would get out of his cave, start talk...
'I love you no matter what'
Posted on February 15th, 2018
That toxic feeling of "I love you no matter what", I finally get what that is!
It's connected to a feeling that I started to have more of recently, and which I always have more of when I'm not being invested in someone else's life: being weird and not...
Why I react bad when someone has a crush on me
Posted on December 18th, 2017
Hey this is so obvious why I feel terrible when someone has a crush on me. The obsessive kind of crush where they don't even know me yet, but already assign me characteristics they would like to see in a woman, and create some idealized picture of me....
Q2 Checkpoint
Posted on July 15th, 2017
Progress since the last checkpoint.
I have learned that:I have read about NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and it is mind blowing. Have not actually learned it, but it is interesting. Also hypnosis and self affirmations fall under this category. It ...
No compromise
Posted on July 3rd, 2017
A music concert provoked some thoughts on the end.
Love: why should I settle with the bare minimum? I'm really sensitive and I would be realised if I could find someone to reciprocate this. Someone who would be equally passionate as me. People always ...
What is love
Posted on July 1st, 2017
A quite obvious realisation occurred to me that came as a surprise: what if the fact of two people loving each other has nothing to do with who they are? What if loving someone is happening in another dimension than one's character, i. e. being lazy, o...
Why do we attract toxic relationships
Posted on May 26th, 2017
Why do we attract toxic relationships - because we want someone who will love us crazily, more than anything else, and who will not be able to live without us. A normal healthy person does not love in this way. A normal healthy person is with us becaus...
'I'll find you'
Posted on May 12th, 2017
Yesterday I have managed to track back the pain that I feel when relationships don't work out, the one about which my friends tell me that I'm hurting far too much and far too long. And yes each time it's the very same acute pain, I just blame differe...
Love at first sight
Posted on March 29th, 2017
Instant attraction towards a newly met person. It does not have to feel like love from the beginning. But soon you find yourself thinking about this person too much, almost obsessing about them, craving their company, I guess you just fell in love? No ...
