Showing all posts tagged #relationship:
How a normal relationship feels after toxic ones
Posted on September 22nd, 2019
At least a more normal one. One never knows what is normal in the end. I often wondered how it is. I would read some articles about how it feels wrong and scary for quite a long time at the beginning. And how it can have a healing effect on a long run....
Staying single as an act of rebellion
Posted on July 1st, 2019
I remember being maybe 14 and thinking "I will never get married". I thought about how much of a bad deal it is to get married for a woman, and wondered why they still do. I was very upset with my father putting my mother down constantly, and thinking ...
Narcissist relationship hell
Posted on January 14th, 2019
No, despite the huge screw up from last year by a narcissist/sociopath, it just does not end. I thought I will never be tricked again. And now the last guy was a narcissist too, I have just uncovered him. After the confrontation he displayed all of the...
Another one bites the dust
Posted on January 10th, 2019
So another relationshit is over, or rather another romantic disappointment happened. But something just occurred to me.. it seems that after Vipassana there is a theme that was not present before. Or do I just want to believe in it?
First of all, abou...
Relationships' Schredinger's cat explained
Posted on January 9th, 2019
Maybe as long as I freak out during an end of an abusive relationship, will I not be able to get into a normal relationship.
The same qualities which make me unable to leave an unhealthy relationship prevent me from having enough patience to separate ...
Everything hurts
Posted on December 28th, 2018
Everything hurts, and I don't know where's up and where's down.
Love handling schemas
Posted on December 18th, 2018
I think I discovered something important. There are at least three schemas, aka thinking patterns, that I fall into when I like someone. The thoughts that belong to each of them are so repetitive, so predictable, that I am surprised that I have noticed...
Fear of abandonment
Posted on December 3rd, 2018
Fear of abandonment - was the undeniable symptom that made me consider BPD. Today it occurred to me that this fear is somewhat flat, somehow repetitive and predictable. And that the narration behind it has the very same voice, each time. And this voice...
Another unhealthy relationship pattern
Posted on December 2nd, 2018
Somehow those things keep popping into my head.. now I realised have another bad habit: I meet a person and I push them into a role. Whether they fit in it or not. The person is secondary, the role is primary.
A crazy thought I had today. What if what...
Unhealthy relationship pattern
Posted on November 27th, 2018
I'm on to something. There's an attitude I go into when I want to get to know someone and get closer to someone. I start behaving as if we were already close. Brute force. This is how my mother was trying to get closer to me. And how did it feel? Terri...
Relationship block
Posted on October 25th, 2018
I was asking myself a few days ago why I have this relationship block. Because I do. It's not only about relationships but also closeness in general.
And today I had this dream. Where I was talking with my first boyfriend and he said we can't be toget...
The trap of assuming what others think
Posted on August 28th, 2018
This is the trap that we all fall into, and it brings so much suffering to everyone involved. When someone does something we do not like, we tend to invent negative motives that explain the behavior of the other. We think to ourselves "I know why he di...
The people avoiding relationships
Posted on June 18th, 2018
All the people after that age.. I met them at an event.. it's clear he's single. He looks at me, he's attracted, and then he pulls away. It's so many of us. It's the unspoken code "stay away I'm fucked up". So many of us. This is so sad.
Each of us ha...
'No one really means what they say'
Posted on June 11th, 2018
I have recently realised that I'm having a strong mental filter that prevents authentic connection and keeps me in loneliness. This filter was also making itself invisible.
The filter is that when someone says or does something, my understanding is th...
Q1 2018 Checkpoint
Posted on May 11th, 2018
Okay that was a lot of time since the last checkpoint. I didn't realize it went so fast.
What I have experienced:I have looked at a man with the intention to see if I'd like to get closer to him, and I got the same look back. I repeated it multiple ti...
Why people react with irrational emotions
Posted on May 8th, 2018
Cecilia just got quite emotionally destroyed. The guy she's been dating for a month now didn't reply her text message for one hour. Her friends are quite concerned about her and tell her that she's being too controlling, too clingy and too desperate to...
I have been taking over other people's emotions!
Posted on February 15th, 2018
Being raised in a toxic home I became super sensitive to what people around me feel, and almost I would know what they think. But I never got the concept of separateness, so I would take those feelings and thoughts as my own.
Now it is so clear that t...
Beware of covert communication
Posted on January 1st, 2018
I recently started paying attention to something that I would call covert communication with other people. I start to believe that the occurrence of such communication is itself a red flag which tells that the other person is also personality disordere...
Nobody can adapt to a broken person
Posted on August 11th, 2017
Some time ago I thought that if someone has some personality disorder it should be possible to create a happy relationship with this person if only one is ready for compromises and adjusts one's lifestyle to that person.
Wrong. Two wrong things.
Firs...
Brain wiring that keeps you alone
Posted on August 8th, 2017
Okay Richard Grannon was talking about a conceptual prison camp where they hit you and at the same time shout "aw!", as a metaphor for how CPTSD is formed. What if they were hitting you just after appearing to give you a friendly hug, and then still sa...
People on stage
Posted on August 5th, 2017
I bet many of them are emotionally unstable. They have their emotions inside out: what they should keep in they puke outside and what they should have inside they don't have. That's why we love them so much. Artists. Singers. They can puke their emotio...
My last relationship
Posted on July 30th, 2017
Emotionally unstable personality. And I say covert narcissist. Somehow I had such a strong feeling that I understand everything he's been going through. Everything sounded like taken from my own thought script. And why I wanted to sacrifice myself just...
Borderline, narcissists and their relationships
Posted on July 26th, 2017
Of course you can't have a RELATionship if you can't RELATe. Obvious like fuck but took me some time. If people are avatars to me I don't relate. I live in a fantasy land. In a dream. Nothing is real. I'm in the fucking bubble. If I can't relate then o...
Q2 Checkpoint
Posted on July 15th, 2017
Progress since the last checkpoint.
I have learned that:I have read about NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and it is mind blowing. Have not actually learned it, but it is interesting. Also hypnosis and self affirmations fall under this category. It ...
Men-women relations
Posted on July 9th, 2017
For me this topic has always been problematic. I've been just going through it in my therapy sessions recently, and I think that my problem could be summarized as: as soon as I like some man I feel I'm pathetic, and as soon as someone likes me I feel h...
Relating by contrasting
Posted on July 5th, 2017
There was this English language exam assessment method: compare and contrast two pictures. I have noticed that contrasting is what I do habitually quite often. When I meet a new person, it is always important for me to point out where I am not like the...
Therapy in dreams
Posted on July 1st, 2017
Funny thing happened last night. I was dreaming that I was in my typical relationship situation when I get involved and he says that he does not wanna commit right now. In this dream I exactly felt my automatic reaction: "omg, I screwed up, I should tr...
Distance relationship
Posted on May 28th, 2017
I've always dreamt of a successful distant one. I even thought it would be great to have children in this manner - me in Europe, he in Asia, Africa, South America, whatever.. Meeting three times per year for an awesome sex in a limited frame of intimac...
Why do we attract toxic relationships
Posted on May 26th, 2017
Why do we attract toxic relationships - because we want someone who will love us crazily, more than anything else, and who will not be able to live without us. A normal healthy person does not love in this way. A normal healthy person is with us becaus...
Why do women fall for bad boys
Posted on May 9th, 2017
Why do women fall for bad boys? Because they didn't have good fathers.
I have been focusing a lot on mindfulness recently and all I write below is not backed up by any research, psychological theory or any important name - it is coming solely from my...
