Posted on August 9th, 2018
I'm writing it from a standpoint of a really lazy individual who was unable to maintain Vipassana practice longer than 1 day after the 10 days course. Yet, still.. I do believe after 1 year I continue to experience long term effects of that 10 days cou...
Posted on August 1st, 2018
I think that my subconsciousness is really shouting something to me and I still cannot understand a word. But it is getting very loud: vivid and obvious. How it manifests:constant physical tension, manifesting as nausea, sleep irregularities, bodily fe...
Posted on May 2nd, 2017
I really wonder how much could a simple technique of watching a little child interact with their parents in a healthy way serve as a therapeutic method. I've been doing that with the same baby girl over a few years now, and have just seen her again. Th...
Posted on April 26th, 2017
I've been paying attention to my body sensations, and now I can actually clearly feel it: my whole body is aching inside. It's almost a physical feeling. It feels as if someone poured acid inside me and now it is spreading very slowly.
I had a relatio...
Posted on April 18th, 2017
I thought it's just weird neurological reaction or maybe I'm cold, but it is actually a way for the body of releasing suppressed emotions. So whenever it happens while e.g. talking about something that feels significant it's a good sign!
Posted on April 17th, 2017
I saw a woman in a billboard advertising underwear. Something new: instead of hearing the subconscious message "she's a whore", "she's pathetic", "she's a stupid cunt", I just thought "she looks happy". Wow. Completely different situation than usual. S...
Posted on April 16th, 2017
When I read the diagnostic criteria of narcissism I do not see it so clearly, but when I watch the videos about narcissism I find many of the mentioned characteristics in myself. I'm not even sure if they strictly belong to narcissism or maybe just to ...
Posted on March 17th, 2017
In this post I will try to connect many topics. The ridiculed "secret" rule, which says that it is enough to think of something to make it happen. The religions' idea that says that God knows our future. The "destiny" concept that says that the future ...
Posted on March 15th, 2017
In 2015 I have been to Rainbow Family gathering. On the outside it looks like a sort of a hippie community, but in fact it has everything to do with facilitating generally understood spiritual development. It's not a sect. It's a group of like minded p...
Posted on February 26th, 2017
For a great amount of time I thought that beating my borderline would be to learn to not freak out despite of unpleasant emotions. And this is what I often read online, that borderline is about feeling emotions too strongly in comparison to a regular p...
Posted on February 24th, 2017
How do I keep on being attracted to the wrong people?
I get attracted to the people that I resonate with, and I think that this is something normal. But maybe I should really start paying attention to what exactly it is inside me that resonates with o...
Posted on February 21st, 2017
Why does the same shit happen to me over and over again?! I started to honestly ask this myself a few years ago. I kind of regret that I have not met a person as wise as me now, who would have given me the answer and explanation that I now think that h...
Posted on February 20th, 2017
I found out about it only recently - methods how to release emotions that we have the tendency to suppress, and this suppressing is creating situations in our lives that constantly bring those negative emotions back. Acting the emotion out is also a fo...
Posted on February 19th, 2017
I have often read that smoking is bad for someone with borderline, just like any addictive drugs, as they apparently increase emotional instability. But at the same time smoking was such a reliable way of calming down. I even started asking myself if i...
Posted on February 9th, 2017
I remember this confrontation I experienced once, when someone told me that their goal in life was to be happy. I was angry at them. So selfish, I thought. My only purpose has always been to make other people happy.
Over time I learned that it was me ...
Posted on February 5th, 2017
I just want to describe an experience I had once after smoking weed a few years ago. I do not smoke it regularily and that was one of very few times I did it. I was in a very relaxed and happy state back then, also just last days of a long spiritual tr...
Posted on February 2nd, 2017
Maybe because all those Vipassana and thinking about myself and then questioning each baseline feeling that I have about myself I got to another realisation. Yes, indeed there is some kind of white background noise that I normally do not realise, but t...
Posted on February 1st, 2017
That was the first book that I read that sparked some kind of light on my own mental and emotional experience. That was the book that really gave me hope that a change is in fact possible. With a simple statement:
Thinking certain thoughts does change...
Posted on January 23rd, 2017
Vipassana mediation is a technique discovered by Buddha. I understand it as a way of deep self discovery on a subconscious level. There are 10 day rigorous courses all over the world when one can learn it. I have just completed one. I will not write th...