Showing all posts tagged #abuse:
Relationships' Schredinger's cat explained
Posted on January 9th, 2019
Maybe as long as I freak out during an end of an abusive relationship, will I not be able to get into a normal relationship.
The same qualities which make me unable to leave an unhealthy relationship prevent me from having enough patience to separate ...
Another session with Polish coach
Posted on May 10th, 2018
What is important for me from today's session:
There was something strange happening when I was a kid and my mother would come back from work: the whole house would get filled with light for next 2-3 hours, my dad would get out of his cave, start talk...
Covert-aggressive people
Posted on October 14th, 2017
I have just finished reading a book called "In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People" and I learned something very important from it: apart from traumatized people there are also covert-aggressive people who at the first ...
Is my overreacting my or others' fault
Posted on September 9th, 2017
I'm getting back to the first question about my problems: when I am reacting in a way that looks like overreacting, is it because I'm overreacting or because someone is abusing me? Hey this is such an important question!
In my life I've gone through p...
I don't have to trust men
Posted on May 4th, 2017
I have recently heard that in a self recovery process it is very important to take small steps, such steps that are not too big for the child within that is scared and having great difficulty trusting, as it may get scared. Being too ambitious can lead...
The child observation test
Posted on May 2nd, 2017
I really wonder how much could a simple technique of watching a little child interact with their parents in a healthy way serve as a therapeutic method. I've been doing that with the same baby girl over a few years now, and have just seen her again. Th...
Pain
Posted on May 1st, 2017
It's getting so clear for me: what I feel and what I think (even without words) during an emotional flashback, and where exactly it comes from childhood. I can decompose it, deconstruct it, analyse it, but I can't change it.
It's feelings of shame and...
The narcissist in me
Posted on April 16th, 2017
When I read the diagnostic criteria of narcissism I do not see it so clearly, but when I watch the videos about narcissism I find many of the mentioned characteristics in myself. I'm not even sure if they strictly belong to narcissism or maybe just to ...
'Could there be another reason for this behaviour?'
Posted on March 24th, 2017
This one comes from DBT. It is a technique that allows you to think of other interpretations of people's behaviour, in order to calm yourself down when you get strangely extreme emotions about someone's behaviour towards you that you interpreted as neg...
Dissociation
Posted on March 24th, 2017
People learn fast. It is a well known effect of a traumatic experience that cannot be escaped (e.g. rape): dissociation. A person escapes inside their head because they cannot escape physically. Is an abusive childhood a traumatic experience that canno...
Why emotions are so scary
Posted on March 24th, 2017
I heard it somewhere recently and have thought about it for some time, and now that I am sure that it is true I want to write it.
Emotions from the past seem so scary, because we were just children when we were first encountered them!
I am writing he...
Feeling the unpleasant
Posted on March 4th, 2017
Yes in the end paying attention to the unpleasant feelings was worth it. First I noticed that I'm feeling down, then I noticed that there was this particular emotion wearing me down, then I asked myself where it was in the body, then I forgot about the...
Mad eyes
Posted on March 1st, 2017
Today about the topic of mad eyes. Of a man looking at me with rage on his face and me looking into his eyes and behind those eyes seeing just emptiness.
It is also a look of someone who is totally drunk/wasted.
It is also a look which I believe that...
It's not only about what resonates with you
Posted on February 24th, 2017
How do I keep on being attracted to the wrong people?
I get attracted to the people that I resonate with, and I think that this is something normal. But maybe I should really start paying attention to what exactly it is inside me that resonates with o...
The wrong way of teaching your children to behave
Posted on February 10th, 2017
I just realized what effects the efforts of my mother
can have on the emotional development of the child that she has been raising. I saw her interact with a 5 year old child of my cousin. The kid had been crying so loud that we could not continue ou...
Home
Posted on December 18th, 2016
Visiting home for Christmas after my sister has moved out. Everything is even more clear than before. It is a highly dysfunctional, not to say toxic environment. And I had to grow up, learn about life and love here. Not only that, being the oldest sibl...
Games I play
Posted on December 12th, 2016
I have been thinking about my self image a lot recently.
I was recently with some people and I imagined what would happen if my boyfriend showed up out of the blue. I was a bit tired which helped me in a realisation that before I could even react to s...
Having Borderline without having been abused
Posted on December 5th, 2016
Part of my life I thought I cannot have Borderline as I have not been abused as a kid. Another part of my life I thought that I am a very special case of Bordeline that developed without child abuse. And only recently, at the occasion of educating myse...
