Showing all posts tagged #borderline:
Suicidal thoughts of a borderline
Posted on January 12th, 2018
I remember thinking that I won't be able to take this life as such at one point. That eventually suicide will be the only possible option. I really wanted to die. I thought I was pathetic and useless. And all I can say to that now is: I was right. I wa...
Beware of covert communication
Posted on January 1st, 2018
I recently started paying attention to something that I would call covert communication with other people. I start to believe that the occurrence of such communication is itself a red flag which tells that the other person is also personality disordere...
Asperger's
Posted on September 9th, 2017
A good old friend from childhood who I haven't seen for years since and who has read a lot about Asperger's recently suggested I may have the condition. Of course it may be just an effect of having read too much on the topic and seeing the condition wh...
Is my overreacting my or others' fault
Posted on September 9th, 2017
I'm getting back to the first question about my problems: when I am reacting in a way that looks like overreacting, is it because I'm overreacting or because someone is abusing me? Hey this is such an important question!
In my life I've gone through p...
Feeding off emotions
Posted on August 19th, 2017
Another narcissistic trait that I have observed in myself: I enjoy seeing people in strong emotional states. Whether the state is positive or negative does not really matter. As long as their emotional state does not put me in danger, of course.
Maybe...
Borderline, narcissists and their relationships
Posted on July 26th, 2017
Of course you can't have a RELATionship if you can't RELATe. Obvious like fuck but took me some time. If people are avatars to me I don't relate. I live in a fantasy land. In a dream. Nothing is real. I'm in the fucking bubble. If I can't relate then o...
There is something fundamentally broken
Posted on July 14th, 2017
Again, a regression. I should make some statistics about how often they happen. And about what the frequency of them means.
Today I feel this: there's something fundamentally broken about me. It's not about accessing suppressed emotions, or releasing ...
Why do women fall for bad boys
Posted on May 9th, 2017
Why do women fall for bad boys? Because they didn't have good fathers.
I have been focusing a lot on mindfulness recently and all I write below is not backed up by any research, psychological theory or any important name - it is coming solely from my...
Integrate not alienate
Posted on April 17th, 2017
It is a known phenomenon that borderlines often end up in relationships with narcissists. Yes that's what I read after my breakup and it was not helpful at all: to know that my suffering was to be predicted. That I'm just a part of the statistic. Some ...
Joy of life
Posted on March 30th, 2017
I do have it in me. I didn't realise. Such moments I'd brush off by thinking "oh I'm just crazy", or "I'm just stupid". Isn't it because my father would always put me down when I was too enthusiastic? I made this connection: happy=naive. What the heck?...
'Borderline does not recover'
Posted on March 29th, 2017
I watched some more videos by the narcissist, Sam Vaknin, and he claims that "narcissists and borderlines do not recover". They can do the therapy to learn behavioral tricks in order to function better (this I agree with, that DBT potential is limited)...
'Could there be another reason for this behaviour?'
Posted on March 24th, 2017
This one comes from DBT. It is a technique that allows you to think of other interpretations of people's behaviour, in order to calm yourself down when you get strangely extreme emotions about someone's behaviour towards you that you interpreted as neg...
Nothing happens without a reason
Posted on March 17th, 2017
In this post I will try to connect many topics. The ridiculed "secret" rule, which says that it is enough to think of something to make it happen. The religions' idea that says that God knows our future. The "destiny" concept that says that the future ...
Freaking out in relationships
Posted on March 17th, 2017
That is one problem that has been bothering me a lot - when I get into a relationship I very soon start getting paranoid that this person does not care or that they will leave me and then I start freaking out - which is making the relationship impossib...
The border of Borderline
Posted on March 8th, 2017
After getting to know a certain disordered person a bit closer and a lot of reading I start to doubt whether I actually have a personality disorder. In the end most of the symptoms of Borderline is just human reactions to certain pain. What if I just h...
What it means to freak out
Posted on February 26th, 2017
For a great amount of time I thought that beating my borderline would be to learn to not freak out despite of unpleasant emotions. And this is what I often read online, that borderline is about feeling emotions too strongly in comparison to a regular p...
Calmness
Posted on February 21st, 2017
What is really amazing is that recently it started happening1 to me that
I get moments of feeling calmness that comes from inside of me.
And this feeling does not compare to anything else that I have experienced so far. This is the calmness I felt whe...
The wrong way of teaching your children to behave
Posted on February 10th, 2017
I just realized what effects the efforts of my mother
can have on the emotional development of the child that she has been raising. I saw her interact with a 5 year old child of my cousin. The kid had been crying so loud that we could not continue ou...
Moving on
Posted on February 5th, 2017
Moving on after a breakup - I realised I am not able to do it. All I can do, and have been doing till now, is to convert the affection into hatred. Both self-hatred and hatred towards that person. I can only manipulate the ratio. That is the closest to...
'Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder' by Marsha Linehan (parts)
Posted on February 2nd, 2017
I got to this book after getting to my first borderline therapy. I borrowed it from my psychoteraphist.
What I found really, but really relieving in this book was the chapter for the therapist that was trying to explain how it feels to have borderline....
Having Borderline without having been abused
Posted on December 5th, 2016
Part of my life I thought I cannot have Borderline as I have not been abused as a kid. Another part of my life I thought that I am a very special case of Bordeline that developed without child abuse. And only recently, at the occasion of educating myse...
On medication and BPD
Posted on December 3rd, 2016
I have been on SSRIs, standard dosage, for last 3 years. I stopped it a month ago. I am sure that the individual experiences can vary, and this is just my personal opinion, and I am not a doctor by any chance, but what I noticed is that:
This medicati...
