A second session with Polish .. life coach would be the closest name. In the end it is maybe good to talk with someone in my native language and someone with the same cultural background.

General evaluation: I'm on track and feeling pissed is a good sign, it means that I stopped blocking the anger which is a prerequisite to recovery. Some insights:
  • Blocking the anger causes guilt (not sure if it is like this for everyone but for me I discovered yes)
  • The people who started to piss me off are toxic people who are there to teach me how to recover, and will eventually disappear from my life. I should apply grey rock technique to them and process my anger only when I am alone. It's because the more I show them my emotions the more they feed of them.
  • "If you feel like crap because of someone it must be because they did something to make you feel this way, it is never just caused internally by you".
  • Watch out for people who try to distract your attention by drawing it to your reaction to a situation and away from the situation itself (are they maybe called psychologists? just a joke:P).

Some plan for the next couple of months: removing indoctrination I have been put in through my parents. In order to do that we need a multi-track approach, in parallel:

  • body work
    • feel the emotions in my body; since it is quite hard for me, start from asking myself "what does my body need right now" and just follow (okay maybe with some social restrictions of course), e.g. eat what I feel like, sleep when I am sleepy, and so on - to be honest, super hard for me already
    • read the book about releasing anger through special techniques with purely the body - it will be necessary to process it now; Aikido
  • education - some book/courses recommendations:
    • "Molestowanie moralne"
    • "Wilk w owczej skórze"
    • "Duchowość ciała" - for releasing anger
    • "Healing the mother wound", http://www.womboflight.com/
    • "Dorosłe dzieci" Katarzyna Skier
    • "Parentified daughters" Betana Webster
  • emotional work
    • ask the child me how she feels and what she thinks and what she needs; since it is impossible for the child me to say what she wants, as she doesn't know, start from validating what she feels "it is normal you don't know", giving her rational reasons for why she is that way, e.g. "no one would feel different in such home"