Wow, such an advice. Good to talk to wise and "normal" people sometimes, normal in quotes because who knows what it actually means.
I think it nails many issues I have. I feel so crap about myself that I always see the other person so much better about me, that it just does not cross my mind that anyone may think that:
  • I don't respect them
  • I am insecure myself
  • someone may need any encouragement or acknowledgement from (someone like) me
And indeed I may come across as:
  • insolent
  • insensitive
  • arrogant
But for totally wrong reasons. This person advised me to more often say things like:
"Hey < name >, you know this < topic> stuff much better than I do. I am having difficult with this part. Would you have any idea how I can do that?"
I tried to rehearse it in my head, and I came up with 2 adjustments:
  1. "Hey < name >, you seem to know this < topic> stuff much better than I do."
  2. "Hey < name >, you obviously know this < topic> stuff much better than I do."
The number 1 makes it clear that it is just my opinion and may probably have nothing to do with the objective truth, since such a stupid person like me is very unlikely to make accurate observations about the world.
The number 2 moves the responsibility away from me, saying that I am just stating a well known fact and that it is not me who came to this conclusion.
In short: I am avoiding at any cost to take responsibility for my opinion and admit aloud that I think so, even if I do. And of course if this is so hard for me, probably I avoid it at any other occasion at any cost. And as result it is obvious that people don't know that I appreciate or respect them. I thought that respect is something given and obvious, but when it definitely happens that I am upset and say something unpleasant to someone, the pros and cons for respecting them or not are in favour of not respecting.
Profound. Observation.
That would suggest that insecure people are more likely to make others feel insecure. And while I can cope quite well with feeling insecure, many people have destructive or toxic reactions.