Let's write a bit more about how I feel. I feel invaded by everyone. Physically and mentally. And while before I'd blame them, now, even though the impression is much stronger, I blame myself. And this causes frustration. I'm angry at myself that I can't push them away. E.g. I still feel guilty when I take space in public space. Before I'd feel people are annoyed at me being there, now I'm annoyed at myself for feeling guilty, as I find it absurd. Is this a step forwards or backwards?
I'm annoyed at myself for speaking too quiet. For saying sorry for no reason. For not asking a question I'm dying to know the answer for out of fear of being impolite. For not stopping my bike to fix my backpack as I don't want to be late. For not eating breakfast because I want to be early at work. For not correcting someone when they misheard me, because I don't want to cause them to feel awkward. For saying no I don't need bathroom when I do, because someone may be in a bigger rush than me. For picking up that phone call I know I will suffer through. It makes me angry.