Somehow those things keep popping into my head.. now I realised have another bad habit: I meet a person and I push them into a role. Whether they fit in it or not. The person is secondary, the role is primary.
A crazy thought I had today. What if what should be actually important is what the situation with this person brings into my life? And only if the situation is doing me good, the person can become important. And only then the person's role can be inferred, but never predefined. Because it will change, the person, the role, the situation, me.
Today I thought: "maybe it's about letting it be transient". Be ready for it to go away any time. Be the channel not the node. This approach goes well with gratitude. So it seems to be right.
And one important remark, trying to fit a person into a role will always result in trying to change someone. That should be publicly announced as forbidden. I feel ashamed that it took me so many years to understand why wanting to change someone is highly unproductive / toxic.