What do men actually mean when they say that I am beautiful? Gosh, I have had such a naive and immature understanding of this!
Yes, one of the things it could mean, and what it probably meant when men were boys, is that seeing me was provoking hormone release in them, urging them to try procreation even though they had no idea about how to do it. Merely because I had tits, vagina and the way my shape evolutionary evolved was luckily enough triggering them.
But that's not what has to be meant today! I just saw this woman.. of a very peculiar look, and I spontaneously imagined her in an empty baroque room, with stronger make up, with piano music in the background, and I thought: she is beautiful. And then I had this revelation: what if a man saying about a woman that she is beautiful can actually mean the same? Because I saw her as beautiful did not mean that I wanted to fuck her. It did not also mean that she is in my type, in fact I don't like the style which I imagined her in. I just noticed that on the context of average people, she is exceptional, and this exceptionality had a real charm to it. Then I looked around and noticed that most women are in some ways beautiful in that sense, while men are not. I never saw it before!
I also saw beauty as a linear thing. You can be more or less beautiful, on a beauty scale. Today it just got revealed to me that it is not a line, but a 3D model on a plane, with spikes here and there. When someone says I am beautiful he may just be stating a fact that I am on one of those spikes. It does not mean that everyone else sees that one spike.. so the fact that only one person says such thing is not a proof that they are malicious, they may just have noticed something the others have not.
Can a woman be beautiful if there were no men around? Until now I thought that no. I thought that women being beautiful is a code word "I wish she was a whore I could fuck for free". I never saw a woman's beauty as an aesthetic or artistic thing. I always saw it as humiliating. As an expression of men's desires. As depersonification, objectification. I would be offended by calling me beautiful. I believe that of course there are men who actually do mean to objectify a woman by calling her beautiful, but I just finally got it that it does not have to be the rule.