I watched some more videos by the narcissist, Sam Vaknin, and he claims that "narcissists and borderlines do not recover". They can do the therapy to learn behavioral tricks in order to function better (this I agree with, that DBT potential is limited), but their core will never recover.
It is interesting that many sources say that borderline has a lot in common with narcissism. Some even say that it's narcissism with an add-on, or just another flavour of narcissism. I realise recently that I definitely do have some narcissistic traits, and I do have a false self yes, but I would not say that I lack empathy. I just often feel too bad myself to notice other people. So now I'm not sure: either I do not have borderline (maybe it's just that I am codependent on top of my borderline) or I can now try to challenge this guy's views. Let's assume that I indeed have borderline for now.
He said that there's no true self underneath his false self anymore, due to how long he lived with his false self. That he knows that there's nothing more as he can define everything he is by using his false self and, similarly to the argument for God's non existence, he argues that this proves that there is nothing more. I find bringing up God there fascinating, because I think that exactly spirituality is the only thing that can break the false self shell (wide understood spirituality, not necessarily religion related). Damn, it's not that I think so, I know it, because after Vipassana I have experienced it. I have felt my true self for 3 seconds, and it was the first time since I was a few year old, but this is enough to know that it is still there.
I think that it is very logical that seeing through one's false self one is convinced that there's nothing more. The false self cannot see anything more. It's like trying to see the water while being fish and swimming in it your entire life. It's a beautiful allegory. Of course you don't see it, but it doesn't mean it's not there. You need to start seeing the bigger picture, see the reality more from a bird's view perspective. And this is where spirituality inevitably takes you.
There are people who claim that they've recovered from that shit, and all of them did it either on a path of spirituality and profound suffering or just extreme suffering alone. Suffering is considered the most primitive way of spiritual growth so it makes sense to me. I'm trying not to back off from that path.