People like to talk about themselves and asking them about their business is a sign of caring about them.
I did not know this, I swear to God. I am simply not like this. I do not like to talk about myself and answer questions about my business to someone else. I find it an offensive, but strangely widely socially accepted practice. This is why I got everything plain wrong since I was a child. When someone would ask me "how are you" (without not having seen me for 5 years), I would understand they are resentful for me not having told them how I am proactively. Why? Because this is how my mum would feel when she was trying to find out how I am. Why? Because I never liked to talk about it and she felt rejected. So in my head asking someone about their stuff is not only unpleasant for them, but even an emotional manipulation from the side of the person who asks. I react to this consistently - I do not like when people do it to me and I avoid doing it to other people.
Second, remembering details about someone's life. When someone would go as far as to ask me about details of my life, e.g. they would remember about what I said last time, I would consider it.. creepy. But isn't it a normal reaction given what I wrote before? And consistently, even if I remembered something about someone while talking to them I would not ask about it, not to appear creepy. I would wait till they tell me themselves. Obviously, realizing it now will not make me remember things about other people's life immediately, as I have simply not trained this skill.
What is more, I would especially value people who never ask me such questions, yet still want to hang out with me. Always meeting narcissists? Duh..
I know quite well that feeling of being with someone and not being able to connect with them because they would not speak about themselves and I would not ask them (for the reasons above). That awkward silence, which over time changes into distance. I thought it happens because there is something I am doing wrong, or there is something wrong about me, but it was something I was not doing.
I have even figured out when I was 20+ that when I ask people questions about them appearing completely ignorant of the fact that it (in my head) is making them feel uncomfortable they like me a lot more. But I never got why. I thought it is a bit like the psychological mechanism of people liking you more if you ask them for a favor. I thought I was doing some psychological trick that I did not even fully understand, until I gave up on it, in order to be more authentic. And then people started distancing themselves.
And when I really want to make someone feel I care about them and consider them important, I start talking about myself proactively. As much as I can. In my head I am doing something that requires a lot of effort from me but making it easy for them, so that they don't have to ask the questions which could make them feel unwanted.
It is crazy how I got everything wrong. This is kinda obvious now when I write it, but it was on such a subconscious level, in the unawareness, that it was completely hidden.