I think I should check in now. How do I feel? I had a lot of stress, enormous. Extreme emotions. From euphoria to dread and panic. Feeling inspired and depressed. I think I went through an impressive range of emotions in last 10 days:
  • euphoria
  • joy
  • inspired
  • motivated
  • grateful
  • scared
  • terrified
  • ashamed
  • resentment
  • depressed
  • dissociation, freeze, flight and fawn
Maybe I deserve a pat on the shoulder for having been able to stand through it. It is actually quite impressive that I had only few freakout states throughout this rollercoaster, and it did not require numbing myself. This is really big. Gives me that feeling that I can count on myself. I still stand for the opinion that numbing emotions is not the solution to emotional imbalance.
Intense emotions. Maybe I should use it for something productive. I already dance and play guitar much more than usual. I will now move on to painting. And writing here. In the end this is good. Emotions are what makes us human. I am happy I am still capable of it.