I took a long message I wrote. Sounded as always dramatic. I removed all "just", "but, "very", "only". Read it again. Sounded authentic.
Loss of meaning in too many emotion manipulating words.
The "but"s point at avoiding responsibility. The "only" and "just" point at being over-reactive. The "very" before each adjective makes the adjectives not that prominent anymore.
I was writing messages trying to justify myself, to explain myself, but not to communicate. Because to communicate yourself you need to be in touch with yourself. Otherwise it's like writing to the kindergarten teacher trying to explain your kid's bad behavior or confront a bad behavior towards your kid. No, you're not your own babysitter, you are you. You do not speak on behalf of you, you speak. I needed to get out of the attitude of apologizing for being alive to break this.