I was quite stressed out recently, by having made a mistake that resulted from forgetting something important. Then I got so stressed, I started forgetting even more, and getting more stressed because of that. Right now my whole body is so tense it starts to physically hurt. That is extreme. But it made me think of something:
  • Flight or fight response means that the sympathetic nervous system is active (which is not controllable by one's will)
  • When the sympathetic nervous system is activated one cannot focus
  • Maybe the fact that I cannot focus in general is caused by chronically activated sympathetic nervous system, which I think I read somewhere is the main symptom of CPTSD, and cause of all other issues
That would explain why people tell me I am too serious and unable to relax. Or that I am irresponsible by not being able to remember appointments. Or that I am careless as I keep on forgetting stuff. All of this is so frustrating for me as I have absolutely zero influence on this. What is more, the more guilty and stressed I feel, the worse it gets.

The only way I found to stop this is alcohol. This is why I drink. Yesterday while drinking with friends I started paying attention to that weird feeling I have in my body when I start getting drunk, and it is the feeling I love about alcohol. And I didn't realize it ever before, since I have always been already getting drunk, but now because I have paid attention, I realized that this feeling is the feeling of the muscles of my entire body relaxing. And yes, I have often thought that for some reason sauna works similarly to alcohol for me - tada! It is all about stopping this sympathetic guy! And I have spoken to some friends about this feeling when I get drunk and have not really found someone who could understand why I find this pleasant. This is so obvious now, if their muscles are already relaxed, they would not feel anything special.

I now need to research how to fight this with other means than alcohol. I think meditation is the first go to, but right now I feel like jumping out of the window rather than meditating..

It also makes me feel a bit better about my forgetfulness, because it means that it can be reverted. Though it also means that if I don't do anything about it I may end up in a traffic accident or something.