Okay, in the last year I've done a lot of work in the direction of knowing my emotions and trusting them, but here I am kind of sure that I'm having some cognitive filter: it the last days, after having received some criticism, I see people as being unfriendly, aggressive and malicious to me when they're not. I've done some "third person's perspective" tests on the fly, and that's how I'm sure that it's a filter. It's been really prominently visible today. It's scary. I think that what would happen in the past I wouldn't even realise that I'm having this impression but instead feel very guilty for possibly making someone angry or upset with me. At least now I react with anger instead of guilt, but still: where does it come from? It's so strong, it's almost as if I heard a voice in my head saying "She's doing this on purpose, she thinks you're nobody", "He doesn't respect you whatsoever, you're nothing to him", "They treat you as a doormat and it's because that's who you are". It's almost like an equivalent of a schizophrenic voice, insisting very much on me accepting their version of reality. I start noticing connections between seemingly disconnected events that make me realise how people have been plotting against me all along. Is this how paranoia feels? I don't hear actual voices, but I also don't use words when I think, so would I actually hear voices if I had schizophrenia? Yes, sometimes it feels as if there was an external identity that produces those thoughts. It feels as if that person was my mother. I wonder if it's possible that she would be actually saying such things in the past and I think that, sadly, yes..