That is one problem that has been bothering me a lot - when I get into a relationship I very soon start getting paranoid that this person does not care or that they will leave me and then I start freaking out - which is making the relationship impossible (unless I am with someone who is a manipulative abuser).
I have a controversial theory now. The solution of my psychologist and DBT therapy was to calm down the emotions and use all possible tricks in order to distract myself and not let my freakouts influence the other person. What if I say that this was wrong approach. What if I say that:
Whenever I freak out it is not because I am afraid that this person will leave me, but because I see that this relationship will not survive.
It is because it is me who wants to leave. I just do not allow myself to admit it.
Why so much focus on correcting "wrong" emotions? Why does the therapy invalidate the emotions of a Borderline, while such invalidation is the very cause of the disorder? And how bizarre is it that DBT therapy uses "mindfulness" techniques that come from Buddhism in order to do something that is very against the Buddhism - control emotions?
I am good at seeing through other people. I am highly sensitive, after few seconds of conversation with someone I can notice things about them that other people discover only after months of years of knowing that person. Why would I doubt then that I can see far ahead that something is just not going to work with someone? It should not surprise me at all that I can see it long before the other person does, if they ever do. My reactions may seem irrational to them, but that does not have to mean that I am wrong - it very possibly means only that they do not realise as much as I do. Most people live their lives completely unaware. I should not have to waste my time because of their ignorance.