Since a long time I am reading that whatever one imagines can actually happen.
Till now I have not been imagining what I actually want. On the surface yes, but not deep inside. The deep inside feeling was always "but I am not worth it", "but I am not so lucky", "but ..". It actually is really scary to admit to yourself that you want something and imagine it as a real possibility. To imagine how you would feel having gotten there while having absolutely none of those above thoughts. This is perhaps the most important thing to work on, in everyone's life, no? When I look back all that happened in my life was quite aligned with what I thought I deserved.
So I just did it. Imagined how it would feel when I am 50 and have achieved what I wish from this life. I would call it the "gratitude" feeling, and also the kind of "wow that was way easier than I was initially made believe, it makes me want to laugh at my past self now". I want to be myself impressed by how it went. Yes.
So what did I want till now, but honestly:
  • I wanted love, just to prove that it is shit; the more real and strong the love, the better chance to prove it wrong
  • I wanted to end up alone and resentful, just to prove that no matter what I did I was doomed to end up so
  • I wanted to avoid opportunities in my life not to