Regarding the CPTSD Pete Walker's book, and the inner critic: I think that in some situations what I experience is more like an inner terrorist. It's not saying "you're useless, you should die", it's rather saying "and now I'm gonna kill you" with a mad look in their eyes and an axe in their hand. What am I gonna say to the inner terrorist? Tell them to stop and leave? Convince them that they're not right by bringing examples of me being not dead? Persuade them out of killing me? Pete says that the inner critic is sneaky and that it takes practice to get aware of its presence. A psychopath with an axe is not that difficult to spot, but rational thinking is heavily impaired when faced with a likely possibility of being killed. I wonder if this could ever be dissolved.
In the face of inner terrorist I'm not feeling small, shy and anxious. I'm feeling terrified, in panic and completely unable to move or think, numb. It's like the moment just before the death. It's maybe playing dead. It's what now happens to me when I'm trying to do my job, thanks to the last relationship. It's maybe for the better as now I am really forced to do something about my terrorist.