How do I keep on being attracted to the wrong people?
I get attracted to the people that I resonate with, and I think that this is something normal. But maybe I should really start paying attention to what exactly it is inside me that resonates with other people. Is it my values, or is it how I felt as a daughter of my father? Is it what I am proud of, or is it something I struggle with?
This is yet another thing about psychology that seems totally counter-intuitive:
If you are attracted to someone because of your pain, it does not mean that this person has any potential to stop your pain - it is actually the opposite, it means that this person is very likely to be an expert in causing you more of that pain.
It is as simple as that. Pain resonates with abuse. Guilt resonates with grief and resentment. Fear of rejection resonates with potential for rejection. And what is evolutionarily true is that negative emotions resonate much stronger than the positive ones. And not understanding these principles is why people build toxic relationships.
Continuing to take pain as the example: we see something labelled "PAIN" and we assume that it must be the pain remedy. Or maybe we start feeling compassion and see it as a work to be done. You may think that you resonate with pain because you feel compassionate about someone else's suffering that reminds you of yours. You may think that you have the potential to stop someone's pain because it feels similar to your pain. The thinking mind will always approximate to what it is familiar with and ignore the rest. We are too creative in coming up with reasons why we actually reach for that what is labeled "PAIN" rather than walk by. And in the end we are surprised that what was labelled "PAIN" was actually pain. The label was correct, the interpretation was unnecessary.

Each time I have a strong emotion about a person or a situation I may now ask myself:
What is the emotion that resonates in me right now?
And then I will have the answer about what this can bring into my life. No interpretation, just a hash table lookup.
Maybe people would be happier if they learned to listen to and trust their subconsciousness. It's a very simple binary brain, but it is super accurate, it's basically part of how the whole world came into the shape that it is now. I think we are underestimating the power of it.
One important note: people with borderline will often have intense feeilngs that are actually projections from the past, so someone may argue that not every impulse should be trusted, especially when someone is emotionally unstable. But this is exactly what I am not talking about. I am talking about getting to even more basic level than this impulse. Asking - what was this impulse caused by? I am talking about things as simple as "pain", "fear", "shame", anything more than that is already an interpretation. Not "fear that he will leave me", but just "fear". Just focus on the raw data. This one is never wrong. It's the great lie our parents often made us believe in - that we can feel wrong. We cannot.