I do have it in me. I didn't realise. Such moments I'd brush off by thinking "oh I'm just crazy", or "I'm just stupid". Isn't it because my father would always put me down when I was too enthusiastic? I made this connection: happy=naive. What the heck? Why?!
I do have it in me. When I'm finally not constrained by other people's negative frames it starts to leak, like water leaks through a tame that got some cracks.
I've been totally unaware of it and putting it to a completely wrong use. I'd use it to get people to like me more in order to get more validation. I would put it into flirting with whoever male who was showing me any kind of attention. I used to be frustrated with why men so often read me wrong and think that I'm interested in them when I'm not. Duh? I was not even aware I was doing it but yes I would be doing it, to get validation. This is a typical sign of codependency. I often I read that borderlines are maliciously flirty, and now it all makes sense. I was just not aware of it. I thought I'm being nice. The difference was I was not nice gratuitously, I had my own interest to satisfy there.
And going back to the happy=naive connotation: I guess it's because of it why other people acting happy would piss me off. I would have the very same reaction like my father had towards me. How does that appear to other people?