I just realized why I feel so bad and trapped when I'm in Poland. The whole language and the manner of speaking is a CPTSD trigger for me. That's why I also avoid Polish people abroad. I used to think that our culture is simply toxic, but now I think it's just my personal reaction to the things that remind me of my shitty childhood experiences.
For the first time after Vipassana I hear a lot of Polish and I feel my whole body reacting. I feel the sensations of disgust, rage, shame and anxiety.