Okay well now it went full fledged. What happened: two things, and I'm still not sure which one triggered it. Or maybe it was even the combination of them.
First of all I was taking an improvised acting class where they told me to act angry and self defensively. At one point, the alignment of people in the scene, and the words that the teacher was speaking to me (even though it wasn't my native language) reminded me a situation when I was around 8 years old and my father would be shouting at me why I don't stand up for myself, keeping on attacking me time after time (I can't tell if physically or verbally bit for sure a physical threat was present) to prove that this time I also won't stand up for myself. Later the teacher noticed I had an issue with the word "fuck" I think and told me I can use only this word now. I immediately remembered how my parents laughed at me when I first time repeated a swear word and were asking me to repeat it again and again and laughing each time. The teacher noticed (man, those people are super sensitive), and asked if he hurted me. I said no. I was totally destroyed but not because of him.
Second thing that happened right after was a misunderstanding over WhatsApp and as a result one person, who's not even my friend, wrote me that I'm manipulative, disrespectful and mean. And all the misunderstanding happened because I was trying something that's very hard for me: take initiative in something I feel very shy about. This immediate shutting down with a lot of accusations was exactly how my mother would react to my any attempts at emotional independence, so exactly what my father was upset about me not being able to do. So all together it was a replay of a no-no situation.
It's shocking for me how much this had affected me. During my therapy I often was saying to myself "if only I could turn back time for a moment and see how I really felt back then when I was a kid..". Well be careful what you wish.. it was a total regress. I was not able to talk to new people. I started avoiding the people I knew too. I saw everyone as negative towards me. I saw everyone as regarding me to be a bother, secretly wanting me out. I took every little detail of their behavior as a sure sign that I'm right. I saw people as walking threats. Yes this is how I felt in school. But why I felt so? I still don't know.
Once I was back from the course it didn't improve. It actually went into depression and very ugly suicide encouraging thoughts. Inner critic became inner sadist. It is true that I've been successfully shutting him down for over a week during the acting courses, could this be a revenge? I was feeling so bad I felt physical pain. Alcohol would help only temporarily. I almost had a panic attack yesterday. And to think that few years ago that was my everyday state.. now I have a moment of clarity again and when I review my thoughts from yesterday I have only one expression coming to my mind: "fucked up". Insane. Out of touch with reality.
[Edit] The therapist said that the reason why it all blew out after shutting down the inner critic was that on one hand I was indeed not scolding my inner child, on the other hand I was not giving her what she needed.