No, despite the huge screw up from last year by a narcissist/sociopath, it just does not end. I thought I will never be tricked again. And now the last guy was a narcissist too, I have just uncovered him. After the confrontation he displayed all of the typical reactions, by the book. How the hell do I keep attracting them, and keep being attracted to them?! It is incredible.
Where does it start, how does this happen? What exactly makes me attracted to them? Maybe I can NLP-train myself to despise those traits?
Hmm after another binge video watching, it seems that this person was displaying a typical narcissist relationship dynamic from the day one. The red flags I have ignored:
  • I had a need to start listing all the possible red flags, because something just did not make sense about him - oh irony!
  • Already on the first date he made a put down comment about something I did. That familiar feeling of disgust I felt from him towards myself, I explained myself I'm overreacting. This was a test.
  • Something he said on the first date made me very angry and I thought it's a flashback to my father's sexism. But now I wonder if it really was a flashback. That was another test.
  • Hot and cold behavior, already from the day one. Constant power fight. Punishing me with distancing after I've upset him.
  • Wanting to meet all the time, prematurely making plans for the future (damn this I have noticed but I thought he is just naive!). Big red flag.
  • Intense feeling of body exhaustion and feeling pains in the body, even before the unpleasant feelings started.
  • Feeling less worthy when thinking about him.
  • All manifestations of feelings and affection were vague and indirect. There was not a single specific positive word. Typical narc trap, they make you build your own illusion by yourself. Inception. You believe the most in what you have built yourself.
  • Mirroring - building rapport. I saw myself in him. That is possibly the biggest trait of narcissists, and I have never seen any coach talk about it. When I recall all that guys they do have this thing in common - I suddenly feel as if I was kissing, dating myself. And how true it is! I am dating by myself, because there is just me in this relationship, he is not there. And narcissists are the masters of illusion. It is not possible to meet another you. If someone is too much like you - it's not a coincidence, there is a reason.