I've noticed another pattern: when I notice that the reason of some problem I've been having is that people around me made mistakes, I'm getting very upset and resentful. And even when they admit to those mistakes my mind still ponders on them and I still feel very upset. So sometimes I get stuck on pondering on them, which to the other people looks like nagging, blaming, scapegoating. But the truth is I lack the ability to self soothe. I'm like a child whose toy has been taken away and given back: that child is still crying and not giving a damn about the toy.
That feeling is a feeling of spear that has been put through my chest and stuck in the ground and now even though I do want to move on despite the pain, that spear still holds me attached to the ground. And the people stand around me telling me to man up and move on and I don't know how to explain them why I can't. They think I'm too sensitive to pain, but I'm having a very "material" problem.