Sometimes it's so difficult to consciously notice something that's always been there.
The feeling of impossible urgency. As a teenager I had a repeating dream where I would be preparing to leave the house and my father was sitting in the car, engine already started, honking from time to time, and I had this overwhelming feeling that I'm already late and won't make it, yet still desperately trying to finish running around the house. The heavy feeling of guilt of having let someone down. The paradox if simultaneous feelings of "it's too late" and "I just have to try harder".
This is the way I feel nowadays most of the time. So what, does it mean that I've felt like this all my life? What a shitty way to live.