The topic of CPTSD turns out to be very fertile when it comes to new discoveries. I have for example just learned where the since-always-present relieving idea of killing myself came from. It's actually a result of feeling so terrible and shitty as a toddler (before learning to speak) that dying seemed the only solution. The toddler actually wishes to die before it learns to speak.
That makes sense to me as I can't trace those thoughts to anything that I can remember. In the first years of life the memory department of the brain is not there yet, so there are events that people can't remember but which have affected them.
It is also mentioned that such suicidal thoughts are different than real threatening suicidal thoughts that actually lead to the suicide. It's just a fantasy.
That matches my current experience. But I'm not aware of any traumatic events at the beginning of my life, other than having spent all my time exclusively either on my own or with my mother. Maybe it has something to do with her always saying how easy to take care of I've been as I would not cry or crawl around so she could leave me alone for prolonged periods of time. "Low maintenance child" she'd call me. But why would I sit on the floor rocking back and forth, making no sounds in the first place? Is this really only genetic coincidence as she says? I wish I remembered..