RAW THOUGHTS
I'm lying down. Feeling. The pain that has been there always. The tearing me apart sadness. The bottomless loneliness. All my life I've been dissociating from it, I've been giving it other names, creating concepts around it, building my identity around lies that tried to keep it down.
But yes it's there. It's not my fault, it's not their fault. Not his fault. It's just how the things are.
So I lie there and I feel. I don't suppress. But it doesn't pass. It's not an emotion that can pass. It's just the state of things. How much longer am I supposed to stay like this, feeling it? What's next? I have no idea. Nevertheless I'm proud of getting at least here, even though it's not pleasant.