Indeed as mentioned in the CPTSD book, I do experience an unpleasant feeling when I wake up. I mean, not only because I have to get up, but I feel as if I did something bad and slightly disappointed that I actually woke up to live one more day. And indeed that's probably what propels me to get up immediately and start compensating for the guilt I feel. That's why in the past I could never stay in bed in the morning after I woke up, no matter how sleepy I was. Recently I started adopting the opposite oversleeping approach, but the underlying feeling is the same. This feeling is so normal that I didn't even pay attention to it. I wonder what to do to eliminate it. Maybe saying good things to myself in my thoughts and feeling compassion for myself as the first thing in the morning would be a good start?
I actually remember one particular day in Finland when I woke up at 7 in the morning, full of energy and optimism. Only this one morning I remember, out of so many. I was then single, fit and motivated at my work. Maybe that's all that it takes to be happy.
I am now even thinking that the border between childhood induced CPTSD and normality is not that clear. I think it's a grayscale. I think that everyone is to some extent affected by childhood traumas, traumas that happen no matter how good and loving the parents are. But like this guy nicely puts it in words, there is a threshold. A threshold above which normal functioning is disturbed, to the extent that a person is unable to have friendships, have a relationship, have a satisfying job. This is when it becomes "abnormal", this is when it becomes a problem.