Hey this is so obvious why I feel terrible when someone has a crush on me. The obsessive kind of crush where they don't even know me yet, but already assign me characteristics they would like to see in a woman, and create some idealized picture of me. Put me on a pedestal. Idealize me. Yes it is not good, but why my reaction to that is so extreme. Extremely negative, almost like they have hurt me very very deeply by this. Well I know why.
Following on what Sam Vaknin says, putting a child on a pedestal is equally hurting to neglecting the child (I will skip explaining this point that he makes there). Both is an expression of the same thing: objectifying someone. When someone idealizes me it brings back the feelings of being emotionally neglected by my parents. I feel as bad as when someone would tell me that I am selfish and egocentric. Because both attitudes carry the same message: "I don't care who you are, I want you to be as I want you to be". That includes "you should be attracted to me too".
That is why on a date when I notice that the guy gets overly excited about me it is hurtful, and as a defense mechanism I try to show him my true ugly self, to get through that wall of denial and idealization. Next time I will just say this directly to the guy: "Please stop idealising me as it is hurtful to be assigned qualities I do not even posses, no matter how flattered I should feel in your opinion. Instead of feeling flattered I actually feel not listened to and not cared about when you do this. I want to stay as close to the truth as possible, from both directions."