So I am quite shocked. In a corporate moron world there was one person that actually could think and put their thinking into action and managed to get quite a high position where they can realise the thinking output. It provokes some questions for me:
  • I always thought this person is cool as they can think and I could follow their thinking quite clearly. I saw them as similar to me, but I would never imagine myself on such a responsible position. Really, is it all it takes? Why I never take such steps like they did?
  • How did they have the courage to step up and say "hey I can think, I know how to do it"? So skills is not enough, one has to believe in themselves.
It also makes me realise something:
If you have something valuable to offer it will not go unnoticed.
In this case that person had to offer a solution that would bring a lot of revenue. Even in a world of morons, revenue (aka money) is something everyone values. So even though he would not be understood by everyone at the intellectual level, the possible output of his thinking convinced everyone.
And now I want to make an analogy to emotional and personal life: maybe if I do continue self development, my capacity for compassion and creating a rewarding relationship, this will also not go unnoticed. Maybe that is the right order: not thinking of how to become understood and validated by someone, instead increasing what I have to offer - and someone will appear. As in the end maybe what this person did was not just stepping up and being brave, but first of all they had an idea of how to solve the problem. Maybe that is their secret and the answer to the two questions. Maybe they just had a solution and the laws of nature took care of making it meet the problem. If they were just brave and stepping up they would experience a hiccup right after being chosen for the position. But what happened they proceeded directly to implementation of the solution.
Maybe this is the mistake people make in general nowadays. They overestimate the importance of being brave and stepping up, and underestimate the importance of actually having something to offer. The psychology articles in colourful magazines teach us that we should just value ourselves more and market ourselves as better than we actually think we are, but they don't mention increasing what we actually have to offer. Maybe this self marketing and stepping up is in fact not necessary at all. Yes we have to love ourselves but we do not have to convince everyone around us to love us. It is a very important distinction but the line between the two gets blurry recently.
I am therefore abandoning the idea of building my self esteem by acting more confident than I feel, I piss at the "fake it till you make it" attitude. Yes this attitude may be really great when learning new skills, but learning to have self esteem just does not work with it. For that I go with "make it so that you don't have to fake it" instead. All the motivation for "fake it till you make it" in order to be accepted and validated by the external world is a sick state. It's a symptom of being emotionally sick, don't cure the symptom, cure the reason of the sickness. I am going to work on curing the need to be validated by revalidating myself in my childhood memories using schema therapy. And I will use the time I would need for faking for actually increasing what I have to offer.