I am with my parents and extended family on a family trip. It is such a fertile source of observations. I can totally see that all the areas where I have issues with social interactions, my parents have them too. Why did I blame myself so much for all of this, for how I am? How could they have taught me the things they didn't know themselves? How could I have figured them out on my own, having no example? I am observing my extended family and I see half of the issues in them. It is a vicious cycle and I had no chances to overcome it while I was still surrounded by my family.
I can see how they still have the issues I used to have and got over them by now, while they still struggle. But they also have the issues I have and I have not solved yet. And I think I have solved maybe 20% of all the issues by now. Not so impressive..
I can see how my friends I have now have at least one of those issues. It is as if each of my friends was a case study of one issue. It is truly amazing how we attract people into our lives for a reason. It's no magic, it's like a law of nature, it just happens so.
The trick is not to change myself to become more like everyone, the trick is to find ways for someone like me to be happy. And if I have to deal with some issues to become happy, then fine. But it is not a must to fight all the issues. Funny I am writing it.. but I guess it is so.. in the end it is hard to tell which parts are indeed issues, and which are just character traits. Being curious can become annoying, being independent can become arrogant, and so on. One needs to find out how to present themselves to the world in a way that does not harm anyone.
How self aware are we? How self aware am I? Isn't it so that i am trying not to see certain parts of myself before they become better? But how can I become better if I do not see myself, if I don't want to see myself? If I am ashamed of myself. We are insisting on the truth inside us being the only truth, but then of course we end up with many truths that are incompatible with each other.