I mentioned the 'covert communication' term once. Yesterday someone newly met tried to do that, but with a positive intention. He tried to reach my core instantly. But he couldn't, maybe because he wasn't a toxic person, or maybe because I put a wall between us.
At the beginning he kept on saying that while he can read people he can't read me. And that I'm an interesting person. I asked him if I'm interesting because he can't read me but he didn't get my reference to narcissist's idealisation and devaluation mechanism. Why would he. I told him I don't trust people, I only learned how to seem like I do. He mentioned I seem crazy I said I definitely am.
Then after a few more hours he came up again and said I'm wonderful person inside but I'm blocking myself on the outside. I'm confident for a few seconds and then I'm retreating into sad detachment. I'm in my head. I need to believe in myself, it is me who has to do it. And it's worth it because I'm an awesome person inside. The important thing is not to give up.
Seriously, where did he even show up from? And if I didn't write this blog and think about those topics I wouldn't even register that, I'd think that it's some delusional person bothering me again. But that's exactly what I've been asking myself recently: is there any point in what I'm doing, or should I just give up?
Thank you.